


Build Me Up Buttercup

by sundaymournin



Category: SKAM (TV)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-05
Updated: 2018-02-05
Packaged: 2019-03-13 22:08:43
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,723
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13579947
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sundaymournin/pseuds/sundaymournin
Summary: For his nineteenth birthday, he’d wanted to gift himself some confidence. He wanted to finally embrace his curls and his angel face and his shy smile. Everyone always told him how cute he was, how handsome, how adorable. Isak wanted to enter this new year actually feeling like he was something worth looking at. Someone worth admiring.OR isak turns nineteen and some stuff goes down with a familiar, blue eyed blonde





	Build Me Up Buttercup

**Author's Note:**

> Here's what's up; I wrote this and keep saying I'll get around to editing it. I never do. So, here you go.

Isak came out on a Tuesday. 

 

It was a funny story, in hindsight, but it had turned his life upside down back then. He’d been seeing a girl named Emma, had tried to sleep with her, and instead ended up running out of her house in tears. The rumors spread quickly. Emma hadn’t meant to, she’d told Isak that later, but the harm was still done. She’d told a couple friends about their awful date and soon everyone knew:

 

Isak Valtersen was gay.

 

Her friends told other people, who told Vilde, who told Magnus as well as Eva and Sana, who had warned Isak in advance like the good people they were. But it was Magnus who laughed about it at lunch with the guys.

 

Isak had lied and said the date went well, before. He’d bragged about how good he was, how much he’d enjoyed it, how hot she was. Isak had said he’d gone down on her, just to get them to leave him alone. He’d lied about the whole thing, straight through his teeth, in a desperate attempt to pretend it hadn’t been one of the worst nights of his life. 

 

The guys didn’t think he’d lie about something like that, but they’d been wrong. 

 

“They’re going around saying he’s gay. Like, hello? Isak pulls chicks all the time — he can’t be a homo. At least tell a _good_ lie.” Magnus had shook his head, grinning. 

 

“Girls love spreading shit.” Mahdi had snorted, more focused on his food than the conversation. “I don’t think they can help it.”

 

Usually, Jonas would’ve called out a comment like that, but he was too busy staring at Isak, who had dropped his gaze and was hiding behind his hat a little. His heart had been racing, tears stinging his eyes. They were going to find out he was a liar and they were going to hate him. Jonas was going to hate him. “Iss?” 

 

“Hm?” 

 

“What’s up?” 

 

Isak had looked up to find all the guys looking at him, realization dawning on their faces. His stomach dropped, his heart turned to ice. He wasn’t ready.

 

“I’m not  _ gay  _ gay.”

 

But he  _ was _ gay-gay. 

 

And it was exhausting, always trying to be something he wasn’t.  _ Someone _ he wasn’t. It kept him awake at night, all the lying. It kept him away from his parents, it made him dodge his friends, it made him tell detailed and crude lies about random girls. Isak had managed to convince everyone he was full of sharp edges and blank stares, he’d managed to convince everyone he was one of the ‘cool kids’. Unaffected. Couldn’t care less. Emotionless. Nothing ever got under his skin, so no one could hurt him. 

 

But that wasn’t living and it wasn’t true.

 

Playing it safe was boring, was soul-sucking. Isak couldn’t spend his life watching Netflix in his room and playing fifa. He couldn’t spend his life like Linn — cruel as that thought was — laying on the couch and going to work and being fucking miserable all the time. He wanted to be able to look Jonas in the eye again, he wanted to be able to tell Mahdi and Magnus that they were too girl-obsessed. He wanted to tell people how he fucking felt. He didn’t want to spend his entire life in the closet, forever alone and forever lonely. Isak didn’t want to be like that. He didn’t want to  _ think _ like that. 

 

Isak had come out on a Tuesday when he was seventeen. Now, at nineteen, he was  barely better off than he had been. He was out, to pretty much everyone, but he hadn’t done anything about it. No men had entered his life, no dating apps stayed downloaded on his phone for longer than an hour. It wasn’t like people weren’t interested, they were, Isak just didn’t know how to talk to people. Men, specifically.

 

So he’d ask Eskild for help and Sana’s brother, Elias. He wanted to be someone different. Someone more…  _ out _ .

 

For his nineteenth birthday, he’d wanted to gift himself some confidence. He wanted to finally embrace his curls and his angel face and his shy smile. Everyone always told him how cute he was, how handsome, how adorable. Isak wanted to enter this new year actually feeling like he was something worth looking at. Someone worth admiring. 

 

Eskild had thrown him a party at some gay club, had dressed Isak in a too-tight black shirt that showed off his stomach. Elias had provided condoms and lube and a safe sex talk that lasted way too long, and Isak? He tried desperately to seem confident. Sexy. Alluring. 

 

Isak didn’t know how to be any of those things. 

 

But he was fucking  _ trying _ , okay? He wanted to be someone new. He wanted to be someone different, someone more brave and the only not-straight men he knew weren’t helping the situation. At all. Ever. Elias and Eskild were standing at the bar, watching him try to find someone to flirt with. They were supposed to be coaching him, but instead, they were flirting more with each other than anything else. He should’ve  _ known _ .

 

“He wasn’t ready.”

 

“He’s fine.”

 

“Look at him, he doesn’t even know what to do with his hands!” 

 

“I can hear you!” Isak snapped, his cheeks and neck and chest burning. He was probably bright red, probably looked flustered and nervous. Sure, he  _ felt _ it but he didn’t want anyone to be able to tell. He wanted to look cool. Or hot. Or whatever gay men looked like when they went to clubs with loud music and colorful lights. 

 

“Maybe he should do a shot.” Elias offered.

 

Eskild shook his head. “He’s such a lightweight, that’d never end well.”

 

“But it might loosen him up, make him less nervous.” 

 

“I don’t think drinking would help. Have you seen him drink? He cries.” Eskild told the other man, voice dropping as if that was going to stop Isak from hearing them when he was standing _ right there _ . 

 

“You two suck.” Isak snapped, glaring at them. “Can’t I wear my hat?” He begged. “Or my jacket?”

 

“And hide your curls? No way.” Eskild had tutted. “I’m showing off your best features here, baby gay. The absolute best.” 

 

“You do look hot, Isak.” Elias chimed in, smirking when he saw how flustered the comment made him.

Eskild and Elias weren’t the only ones there; Jonas had also come, because he had insisted on it. Isak had originally told him not to, had told him it wasn’t a big deal, had told him it was going to be at a gay bar. Jonas wasn’t phased at all, because it was Isak’s birthday and, in his own words, ‘I’m not missing your big night’. He kept his distance, though, too protective to actually stand next to Isak while he tried to flirt.

 

Instead, Jonas was standing on the opposite side of the room, flirting with some girl but letting his eyes meet Isak’s every now and again. It was a little weird to have him there, to try to be ‘hot’ with his best friend watching, but it also calmed his nerves. Nothing could go too badly if Jonas was there. 

 

Elias had invited his friends too; the whole older boy gang he hung out with. Isak wanted to seem cool in front of them, but instead he was wearing a fucking  _ crop top.  _

 

“Yousef!” Elias shouted out of nowhere, making him jump. He was waving his arm, grinning brightly. 

 

Isak wanted to  _ die _ .

 

“Hey, man.” Yousef came up to the three of them, handsome and charming as ever. He slung an arm around Elias’ shoulder and made a face when he saw what his best friend was holding. “You’re drinking?”

 

Elias shrugged. “Why not?”

 

“Got a place to stay?” Yousef asked, eyebrows raising. 

 

“With me.” Eskild smiled sweetly, a little tightly. No one but Isak — and maybe Elias — noticed what his words meant.  _ He’s mine _ . It was cute, how much Eskild liked the other man. It would’ve been cuter if it wasn’t Isak’s fucking birthday. 

 

“With Eskild.” Elias echoed, seemingly oblivious. 

 

Yousef nodded, turning his attention to Isak. “Happy birthday.” 

 

“Thanks.” Isak mumbled, barely resisting the urge to hide behind Eskild. 

 

“Where are the rest of the guys guys?” Elias asked.

 

“I’m here.” Mikael was standing at the bar next to them, ordering a drink. Isak didn’t think he’d ever seen him drink before. “The boyfriends are dancing.” He told them with an eye roll and fond smile. 

 

It was Mutta and Adam who were dancing, shyly brushing their chests against one another’s and offering sheepish smiles. Neither one looked like they really knew what they were doing, but it was working. For each other. Isak was surprised to find that the sight made his chest fucking ache. 

 

“So, wait, are you  _ all _ gay?” He asked suddenly, looking between Mikael and Yousef. 

 

Mikael turned pink - or maybe it was just the light - as  he took his soda from the bartender. “Uh, no. I’m not and —“

 

“Me neither.” Yousef shrugged. “Elias is bisexual, but you knew that, Mutta is… well. He likes the people he likes, I guess?”

 

“Demisexual.” Mikael piped up, biting the inside of his cheek and avoiding Isak’s gaze. Weird.

 

“That one.” Yousef nodded. “Adam likes anyone, but mostly just Mutta and —“ 

 

“I’m pansexual.” Even offered up, appearing behind Isak and leaning down to whisper in his ear. “Yousef and Mikael are the only, let’s say,  _ conventional _ ones.”

 

Even Bech Næsheim.

 

Absolutely, drop dead beautiful. Hair perfectly styled, smirk always well worn. Shirts always a bit too tight — or maybe perfectly tight. Bright, blue eyes that pierced right through Isak. Or any person, really. 

 

Isak had known he was attracted to Even the second he met him, a year prior. They’d been at the same party, had smoked a joint together in the bathroom. Isak had been so out of it, had run into the bathroom to escape the stares and the whispers and had instead run straight into  _ him _ .

 

* * *

 

 

_ Isak had blinked up at him, eyes wide and dazed. He didn’t think the guy was actually there at first, didn’t think there was a person alive who just looked that good. He’d leaned back against the door, trying to catch his breath and process the handsome guy all at once but it was too fucking much. It was simple, but it was too fucking much. _

 

_ “Here.” Even had handed him the joint and leaned back against the the wall as he blew out smoke.  _

 

_ Isak had been drunk, really drunk, so he’d just stared. Had admired Even’s long neck and perfect hair and pretty lips. Pretty everything. By the time his blue eyes finally focused back on Isak, he hadn’t even taking a hit.  _

 

_ “You okay?”  _

 

_ “Uh.” Isak had blinked, shaking out of his daze. “Yeah. Fine.” He mumbled, sitting on the toilet seat and taking a long, burning hit. How smoking was supposed to help him handle all the whispering outside, Isak didn’t know. But he smoked anyway, because the pretty boy had asked him to. _

 

_ Even was watching him, he could see, out of the corner of his eye. He was staring. Isak didn’t know what to do with it. Everyone had been staring at him all night; they’d been whispering and giggling. Some girls had come up to him, tried to flirt with him and check if the rumors were true. Some guy had elbowed him and laughed in his face. It was Isak’s nightmare; being the center of attention.  _

_ He didn’t mind it as much when it was blue staring. _

 

_ “Who are you hiding from?” Even had asked.  _

 

_ “The world.” Isak answered softly, handing the joint back and careful not to touch the other man’s hand. He couldn’t afford that slip up and he knew he was drunk enough to actually slip. Fall. Whatever. _

 

_ Even had chuckled. “You and me both, kid.”  _

 

_ “I’m almost eighteen.”  _

 

_ “Hi, almost eighteen. I’m Even.” He’d grinned. _

 

_ Isak made a face, trying to hold back a smile. “Oh, no.”  _

 

_ “What?”  _

 

_ “This is just sad.” _

 

_ Even laughed. “What is?” _

 

_ “I thought you were cool, but you’re really just a dork.” Isak told him, smiling back because he wanted to. For the first time, in a long time, he wanted to return the smiles and the laugh. Maybe it was the weed talking, but he kind of wanted to slip up if it meant he got to smile at Even.  _

 

_ “You thought I was cool?” Even asked, taking another hit. “Why?”  _

 

_ Isak shrugged. “Mysterious hot guy in the bathroom? I think I’ve seen that in a movie somewhere.” _

 

_ “You think I’m hot?” Even asked, and the question seemed genuine. He seemed surprised, in a pleasant sort of way. He didn’t look mad, but Isak still froze. Isak still lowered his gaze, Isak still put up his guard a little.  _

 

_ “I mean.” He stuttered. “No, like… Uh.” _

 

_ Even smiled. “It’s okay.” He handed back the joint. “I think you’re hot too.” _

 

* * *

 

 

But Even had, had a girlfriend.

 

Maybe it wasn’t fair for Isak to kind of dislike him. Maybe he was just being nice to the awkward, sad kid who walked in on him at a party. Maybe Isak should’ve been kinder to him, should’ve stopped giving him the cold shoulder, should’ve looked him in the eye when he spoke. But he didn’t. Insead, Isak took a step closer to Eskild to get further away from him. 

 

“Happy birthday.” Even said softly.

 

“Thanks.” Isak mumbled, searchin the crowd for Jonas. 

 

Eskild glanced between two suspiciously before smiling. “Even, we’re trying to find Isak a birthday fuck.”

 

Even’s eyebrows raised. “Oh yeah?” He looked down at Isak, blue eyes sparkling with amusement.  _ Sparkling _ . “You’re into guys?”

 

Isak rolled his eyes. As if Even didn’t know, as if he hadn’t been able to tell. As if Elias hadn’t fucking told him. Suddenly, he wanted to go home. No one was going to even glance at him twice if Even Bech Næsheim was there. “This is stupid.” He told Eskild. “None of these guys are going to give me the time of day.”

 

_ God _ , he sounded like an insecure idiot. He was an insecure idiot. 

 

Even looked him over slowly, eyes raking down Isak’s body and leaving him feeling hot all over.  _ Asshole. _ “I think they’ll be lucky if you even look in their direction.”

 

Isak was trying to figure out something witty to say back when Adam collided into him, arms crushing. “Happy birthday, Curly!” 

 

“Oh, uh, thanks.” Isak gasped, smiling sheepishly at Mutta over Adam’s shoulder. 

 

Mutta, who was looking at Adam with a sweet, fond smile that made Isak want to combust. He’d asked to go to the stupid club because he wanted to find someone who wanted him in a sexy way, but instead he found himself craving affection. Fond smiles, gentle hands, shy dances, slow kisses.

 

Isak was truly pathetic. 

 

“Happy birthday, Isak.” Mutta smiled.

 

“Do you want to come dance with us?” Adam asked excitedly when he pulled back, grinning from ear to ear in a way that reminded Isak strangely of Magnus. 

 

“Oh, no. You guys go ahead. I can’t dance.” Isak blushed. 

 

Eskild sighed dramatically. “You’re wasting that outfit, Isak.” 

 

Mutta and Adam both looked Isak over, glancing at one another with knowing smiles. Isak didn’t want to know what they were thinking and, unfortunately, didn’t have time to even consider it before Mutta was dragging him onto the dance floor by his wrist. 

 

“I can’t dance!” Isak repeated, glancing over his shoulder to see Even talking to Mikael now. As usual, forgetting Isak just as quickly as he’d noticed him. _ Asshole. _

 

“Everyone can dance, Chad.” Mutta rolled his eyes. 

 

“Who?” 

 

“Nothing.” 

  
  


So Isak danced with Mutta, downed a couple ‘secret’ shots with Elias and Adam, and let them spin him around until he stopped caring what he looked like. Until he moved his hips and let Adam and Mutta sandwich him in, letting out embarrassed laughter when Mutta’s bulge brushed against his ass. He wasn’t thinking about if he looked like a robot or if his hair still looked good — he’d even stopped trying to pull down his shirt. Isak was having  _ fun _ . Actual fun.

 

Until Adam and Mutta snuck away somewhere and Isak was wrapped around some stranger. He was a handsome stranger; tall with strong hands and a smile that made Isak’s heart stutter, but a stranger nonetheless. Isak was drunk off to lean into him, to bury his hands in the man’s hair and sigh when he felt lips against his neck. He was drunk enough to let go a little, but not drunk enough to turn off the ‘please don't be a murderer’ mantra that echoed in his head.

 

“Can I buy you a drink?” The guy asked, holding Isak by his elbow and mumbling into his ear. His stubble scraped against Isak’s skin, making him shiver. He nodded. “What are you drinking…?”

 

“Isak.” 

 

“I’m Nils.” The guy grinned against his cheek; it felt nice. Intimate. He wouldn’t mind feeling his smile on other parts of his body. “What are you drinking, Isak?”

 

“Whatever you want me to drink.” He answered with a grin, pulling back to examine the guy’s face for real. He didn’t seem murder-y.

 

Nils was older, but not exceptionally so. He was handsome, with stubble and a strong jaw. Nice eyes, blue. Like Even’s, but with a hint of grey in them. “That doesn’t sound safe.” He laughed. 

 

Isak shrugged. “It’s my birthday. I don’t have to play it safe.” _ Liar.  _

 

“My lucky night then.” Nils smirked.

 

“Not yet it isn’t.” Isak laughed. 

 

Nils led them over to the bar, boxing Isak in against it while he ordered a drink. Cocktails? That would be fitting, Isak decided. Because he definitely wanted something that had cock in the name. “And a water.” The man snorted, placing a hand on Isak’s waist. “You’re pretty drunk, aren’t you?” 

 

“It’s my birthday.” Isak repeated, sweetly. “I’m allowed to be.”

 

“You know, I don’t fuck drunk guys.” Nils told him with a smirk on his face.

 

Isak made a face, blushing. “Who says I want to be fucked?”

 

“You just said you want something with a cock.” Nils laughed. “Remember?” 

 

“I said that outloud?” Isak gasped, covering his mouth with his hand. “Fuck.”

 

“You’re cute.” Nils grinned down at him. “You’re not here alone, are you?” 

 

Isak shook his head. “No, I have friends… Somewhere.” He glanced around, frowning when he couldn’t spot any of the guys. Not at the bar or on the dance floor or — 

 

_ Jonas.  _

 

“Everything okay?” His best friend asked, because he was like that. Half of the reason Isak could never seem to get anyone in his bed was because of Jonas. Who insisted that there wasn’t a guy in Oslo good enough for Isak, who hovered and protected like a concerned older brother. Despite being six months younger and several inches shorter, Jonas acted like Isak’s personal bodyguard. 

 

Commonly mistaken as a boyfriend. 

 

“Yeah, he’s buying me a drink.” Isak told him. 

 

“And a water.” Nils reminded him, shaking Jonas’ hand. “Nils.”

 

“Jonas.” 

 

They stared each other down for a minute and Isak waited for it to happen, waited for Nils to give up and walk away because who could hold their ground when Jonas looked at them like that? He’d had that terrifying, adult face since they were kids. Jonas knew how to look intimidating. Most guys didn’t know how to handle that. 

 

“Well,” Nils smiled, handing Isak some green drink. “Happy birthday. Come find me if you sober up at all.”

 

There it was. 

 

Isak sighed heavily, watching as the handsome man walked away. “Dammit, Jonas.” 

 

“You’re drunk!” 

 

“It’s my birthday.” Isak whined. “I’m supposed to get drunk and hook up with people.” 

 

Jonas rolled his eyes. “You’re not  _ supposed _ to do anything.” 

 

“Eskild’s gonna yell at you.” Isak told him, sipping from the drink. It was sour. 

 

“I’d like to see him try.” Jonas snorted. 

  
  


They found the rest of the guys on a back patio connected to club; Isak hadn’t even known it was there but the second they stepped out and he felt the cool air on his skin, he felt better. More sober. The lights weren’t flashing, the music wasn’t as loud. Isak felt a little closer to reality. 

 

“Hey, birthday boy.” Eskild grinned, wrapping an arm around his shoulders and pulling Isak into his side. “What do you have there?”

 

“A drink some guy bought me.” Isak explained, handing it over to Eskild.

 

Eskild took a sip, humming. “This is strong. Where’s this guy now?”

 

“Jonas chased him away.” 

 

_ “Jonas!”  _

 

To Isak’s surprise, it wasn’t just Eskild groaning, but every other guy in the circle too. Everyone but Even, who had what looked like a cigarette in his mouth. 

 

“He’s drunk!” Jonas countered. 

 

“He wanted to be drunk.” Mutta pointed out, leaning back against Adam’s chest. 

 

Elias shook his head. “We need to put a Jonas ban on all Isak’s nights out.” 

 

“Not happening.” Isak and Jonas said in unison, grinning. 

 

“ _ This _ is why he does it.” Eskild told Isak with a fond eye roll. “You encourage it.” 

 

Isak shook his head. “Nope. He’s just my best friend and it’s my birthday.” 

 

Jonas grinned. “He needs to sober up a little anyway.”

 

All the guys booed him again. Except.

 

“Sobering up might help his dance moves?” Mikael shrugged, biting the inside of his cheek. 

 

“Hey, no picking on the birthday boy.” Elias laughed. 

 

They kept bickering, half of them flirting with each other. Isak felt a little bad for Yousef and Mikael, who seemed to be the only sober ones. How they were going to get everyone home, he had no idea. Thankfully, he was drunk enough that he didn’t care  _ too _ much. Instead, Isak found himself staring at Even. 

 

“Can I have one?” He asked, interrupting the guys. 

 

Even blinked at him. “One what?” 

 

“A cigarette.” 

 

Jonas rolled his eyes. “Lung cancer is an actual problem, Issa.” 

 

“Are you always so bossy?” Adam laughed.

 

Even pulled the cigarette out of his mouth and it was… A lollipop. “Sorry, I quit. I’m trying to turn over a new leaf because.” He glanced at Jonas with a smirk. “Lung cancer is an actual problem.” 

 

Isak pouted. “Oh.” 

 

“You can have a lollipop, though.” Even recovered quickly.

 

“ _ That _ one?” 

 

Even grinned. “Do you  _ want _ this one?” 

 

“Nei!” Isak made a face. “It was in your mouth!” 

 

“Do you have a problem with my mouth, Valtersen?” Even laughed, pulling a different lollipop out of his pocket. Blue.  _ Like his eyes.  _

 

Isak rolled his eyes. “I’m about to if you don’t shut up.” 

 

“Rudesak.” Adam snorted. 

 

“It’s my birthday.” Isak smiled, reaching out to take the lollipop from Even’s hand. “I’m allowed.” 

 

Even grabbed his wrist. “Say please.” 

 

“No.” Isak narrowed his eyes.

 

“Say ‘please’, Rudesak. You can do it.” Even teased, cocking his head to the side. He thumb was running back and forth over Isak’s pulse point; he was doing it on purpose. “Then you can have it.” 

 

Isak glared, looking to his best friend for help. “ _ Jonas! _ ”

 

“I was told to leave you to your affairs.” Jonas smirked.

 

Isak glared. “Demoted.” 

 

Even pulled Isak closer, laughing. “You are the most demanding 18 year old I know.” 

 

“Nineteen. It’s my -” 

 

“Birthday.” Even finished. “We know.” 

 

Isak didn’t know why Even was like this. Why he was so insistent on flirting with Isak, on making his face flush and stomach churn and making him feel wanted. It wasn’t fair, it really wasn't. Isak was trying to have a good birthday, was trying to seem sexy and grown up and different. Even always made him feel off. Other. 

 

“Are you always this mean to people on their birthday?” 

 

“Only the cute ones.” 

 

Isak frowned. “You’re not funny.” 

 

Even looked him over, eyebrows narrowing. “I’m not joking.” 

 

They stared at one another for another few seconds. Until Isak felt hot all over, until Even’s grip on his wrist got too gentle, until the butterflies came back. Until he fucking felt something. Asshole. Fucking asshole.

 

Isak pulled his hand free from Even’s grip. “I’m gonna go dance.”

  
  


He shouldn’t have been so damned angry. It was his birthday. He was starting fresh. He was beginning anew. He was turning over a new leaf. He was trying to be someone different, but still. Isak was angry. He was angry at Even for making him feel good, for making him feel hope, for making him feel pretty. He was angry at Nils for backing down when Jonas pulled his stupid face. He was angry at himself for not being more confident. Not being happier. 

 

Trying to dance angry was virtually impossible. It mostly ended in Isak grinding back against some guy whose hand was on his stomach, holding Isak close. He was kissing the sensitive spot on Isak’s neck, making his eyes flutter a bit, when a Robyn song came on and Isak found Even in the crowd. 

 

Just staring. 

 

Like the first night they’d met; staring right through him with piercing blue eyes as if he understood everything Isak was going through. As if he cared. Isak knew it wasn’t possible for Even to get him when they barely ever spoke, but he kind of wanted him to. He wanted to be like Adam and Mutta; he wanted to have someone who only liked him. Not some guy on a dance floor who would drop him the second a cuter guy came along. 

 

Even looked him over from where he was leaned against the wall, biting his pretty lips and making Isak feel exposed and vulnerable and painfully turned on. 

 

Isak flicked his eyebrows up. 

 

Even pushed off the wall and within seconds he was in Isak’s space. Hands on his hips while Isak’s found the nape of his neck and if he was being honest, they probably weren’t dancing. They were pressing their chests together, but they were moving together more than they were moving to the music. Isak didn’t really mind. 

 

“What are you doing?” He breathed against Even’s ear. 

 

“Dancing with you.” Even mumbled back, pulling Isak closer to his chest and away from the man behind him. “That’s what you wanted, right?” 

 

Isak couldn’t argue with that. But. “Won’t your girlfriend mind?” 

 

Even pulled back to look down at Isak, piercing. “I don’t have one.” 

 

_ “Oh.”  _

 

“Now dance with me.” Even insisted, moving Isak’s hips to the beat with his hands. 

 

Isak let out a laugh, turning around in Even’s arms and dancing with him. Against him. He didn’t know how long they stayed on the dance floor, grinding against one another with Even’s breath hot against his neck. At some point it become heavier, dirtier, the air going thick around them and making Isak so dizzy he stopped dancing and just leaned back against his chest. 

 

Even chuckled, both hands holding his hips, keeping him upright. “Are you okay?” 

 

Isak sighed. “I think I need to sit down.” 

 

* * *

 

 

“Did someone put something in his drink?” Mikael asked worriedly, kneeling in front of Isak on the curb and rubbing the back of his neck with something cold. An ice cube, maybe. 

 

“No, no.” Eskild waved a hand. “He’s just a lightweight, I told you guys. He can’t handle drinking.” 

 

Isak lifted his head to shoot Eskild a glare. 

 

“Why’s he looking at me like that?” Mutta’s voice said. 

 

Someone whistled from Isak’s left. “Over here, babycakes.” 

 

Isak glared to his left instead. “I’m not  _ that  _ drunk. I can still find someone.” 

 

The guys all laughed. Assholes. 

 

“Maybe you’re done for the night.” Mikael suggested gently. 

 

“Issa, you need to drink some water or your hungover is gonna be a bitch.” Jonas told him. He was probably the one running a hand through Isak’s curls.

 

“No.” Isak shook his head. “I wanna go back in. I wanna be kissed.” He wanted to find Even. 

 

“I can do that.” Adam offered.

 

“No, you can’t.” Mutta told him. 

 

Isak whined. “I want my birthday kiss.” He let his eyes close again, letting the ice cube Mikael was rubbing on the back of his neck sober him up a bit. He needed to be more sober; he was probably embarrassing himself in front of all the older guys. Elias would probably tell Sana. 

 

“You are the most demanding 18 year old I know.” Even deep, pretty voice repeated right next to his ear. Isak shivered, opening his eyes just in time to feel a hand cup the back of his neck and press their lips together. 

 

Fuck, Isak didn’t want to be drunk. 

 

He hummed, hands moving forward to fist in Even’s shirt, pulling him closer. Isak didn’t care that their friends were surrounding him, that Even was probably just doing it because it was his birthday, that Even tasted like a mixture of mint and strawberry. Isak felt like electricity was flowing through veins, buzzing beneath his skin. 

 

Even pulled back finally, out of breath and eyes heavy-lidded. He was still staring at Isak’s mouth, looking just like Isak felt; desperate. 

 

“Nineteen.” Isak told him. 

 

Even grinned.

 

“That was hot.” Adam mumbled. 

 

Mutta sighed, exasperated. “I’m going home.” 

 

“Wait, hold on.” 

 

Adam and Mutta went off in one direction, a tension following them. Mikael hovered over Isak, looking a little concerned even as Even helped him to his feet and kept an arm around his waist. Elias and Eskild were wearing matching grins. 

 

“What?” Even huffed. 

 

“Double dates are going to be so much fun.” Elias told him. 

 

Isak felt his face go hot again. Elias and Eskild weren’t even an official couple but here they were, making plans and imagining a future together. A future that involved Isak and —

 

“I was just giving him his birthday wish.” Even rolled his eyes. “Don’t make it weird.” 

 

_ Oh.  _

 

Isak leaned over and puked all over the other man’s shoes. 

 

* * *

 

 

He woke up with a hangover in his bed with Jonas pressed to his side and Eskild to the other. Isak found Elias sleeping on the couch and spilled his guts into the toilet. He was nineteen, he hadn’t gotten one kiss on his lips the night prior, his head felt it was going to explode, Even’s blue lollipop was stabbing him in his pocket, and he was lonely. Really fucking lonely. 

 

* * *

 

 

Isak didn't know why he thought his birthday would be some magical shift. He didn’t know why he thought he’d suddenly become a new person, one that enjoyed going out and letting random men touch him. He still went out, alone mostly; Eskild and Elias were double dating with Mutta and Adam. Jonas was way too overprotective for Isak to actually meet anyone. So, yeah, he went alone. 

 

He danced with random men, let them press him against walls and bars and bathroom walls and counters. He let them kiss him, because he wanted to be kissed, even if it wasn’t by someone he liked. Or loved. Whatever. He didn’t need that. 

 

Isak learned what the walk of shame felt like, learned exactly which bus he needed to take in the early hours of the morning. He learned to back condoms and to prep  _ before  _ leaving the house and to not drink too much. He learned that he liked being called nice names and liked his hair being pulled and his neck being marked. 

 

He learned not to think of tall blondes with piercing blue eyes. 

 

It was fine. Isak was fine. He was fine. 

 

It was fine. 

 

* * *

 

 

“I’m not going.” Isak told Eskild, not looking up from his computer because he didn’t need to, dammit. 

 

“It’s Yousef’s birthday.” Eskild frowned.

 

Isak shrugged. 

 

“Is this about Even?” 

 

“No.” Isak scoffed. “Why would it be?” 

 

Eskild let out a heavy sigh. “If you come, I’ll do your laundry for three weeks.” 

 

“Noora will do my laundry, you mean.” Isak raised his eyebrows.

 

Eskild crossed his arms over his chest. “He came to yours.” 

 

“And? He barely spoke to me.”

 

“You’re coming.” 

 

Isak rolled his eyes. “No, I’m not.” 

 

He went. Mostly because Eskild gave him a big, long speech about how Yousefloved him and it would mean the world if he showed up. And everyone evidently missed Isak, which he sincerely doubted, but he was willing to indulge Eskild. Because it was Eskild. 

 

Everyone was there and everyone was having fun, laughing and enjoying themselves. Isak could smile, he could chuckle along, but he wanted to go home. There was a stupid amount of worry and dread churning in his stomach. He didn’t know what it was about Even that made him doubt himself so much. But he did. He did a lot. Too much. 

 

“Where’ve you been, Isak?” Mutta asked suddenly. He was leaning back against Adam’s chest, watching Isak with a calculating gaze. Like he was testing something. “We haven’t seen you since your birthday.”

 

“I’ve been around.” Isak shrugged. He had. Just not around them. 

 

“Isak has learned the ways of nightclubbing.” Eskild explained for him. “Even I barely see him anymore.”

 

Everyone nodded, like they understood. Which none of them did. Elias and Eskild, Adam and Mutta. Yousef had his thing with Sana and Isak didn’t even understand what was up with Mikael. Even? Even probably had someone in his bed every night. They weren’t nearly as touch and affection starved as Isak. They didn’t get it.

 

“You shouldn’t be such a stranger.” Even spoke up, staring down at Isak. “We’ve missed you.”

 

Isak was too drunk to hold back his snort. “Right.”

 

“We did.” Even insisted, eyebrows raising. 

 

“Okay, Bech Næsheim.” Isak really hated him. How could someone make you feel so wanted and so ignored all at once? “I’m going for a smoke.” He told Eskild, shouldering past the boys to head out to the balcony. He needed some air. Or poison in his lungs. Something like that. 

 

Isak put both hands on the railing, glaring down at the street. He didn’t know why he was always so fucking angry, about everything. He was always angry and a little sad and a lot lonely. He always glared at Elias and Eskild when they were in the same room as him, always scowled when Jonas and Eva smiled at one another, always flinched when Mutta’s smile was too fond in Adam’s direction. 

 

He’d never been in a real relationship, had never experienced something like that. So why did he feel so empty without it? Why did he feel like that life was meant for him? Mahdi never acted like that, Linn never acted like that. 

 

But Isak did. 

 

Isak felt like he was missing something, like he was supposed to have something or someone and just never did. Maybe he had someone in a different universe, maybe he was feeling the ache of missing someone he was supposed to be with. Maybe he’d accidently walked by whoever he was supposed to be with, maybe he’d been too mean to them. 

 

Maybe he’d just missed out in this universe. 

 

Whatever. Fine. He could handle that. 

 

“I didn’t know you smoked.” A deep voice said behind him, closing the door. 

 

Isak looked over his shoulder. “I don’t.” 

 

“No? You said you were coming for a smoke.” Even pointed out. 

 

“Maybe I lied.” Isak grumbled. Mostly because he didn’t feel like sharing his weed with Bech Naesheim. 

 

Even came to stand next to him, taking a lollipop out of his pocket and popping it into his mouth. “Can I ask you a question.”

 

“You just did.” 

 

“A different one.” Even raised his eyebrows, mouth quirking up. 

 

Isak pursed his lips, eyes focusing on Even’s for a moment. “Fine.” 

 

“Why don’t you like me?” 

 

“What?”

 

Even rolled his eyes. “Don’t play dumb. You don’t like me. Why?”

 

Isak’s mouth dropped open in surprise, shaking his head. “Are you serious right now?” 

 

“Yes.” Even pulled out his lollipop. His mouth was redder than usual. 

 

“Because you’re always fucking with my head. Because you act like you’re into me and then you bail or make fun of me. Because you flirted with me when you had a girlfriend. Because you’re constantly acting like you’re some nice dude when really you’re just a fucking asshole.” Isak listed off on his fingers, glaring. “Because you think you’re better than every person you talk to. Because you’re rude. Because you —“

 

“Okay.” 

 

Isak clenched his jaw. “Because you interrupt people when they’re fucking talking.” 

 

“Okay, Isak.” Even took a step closer, into his space. Always into his space. “I broke up with Sonja a week later, you know. After I met you. I never want to fuck with your head.” He put his hand on the railing next to Isak, blocking him in a little. Only a little. If he wanted to move, he could. “I’m into you. Like, a lot.” 

 

“Don’t fuck with me.” Isak glared up at him. 

 

Even smirked. “I’m really not.” 

 

Isak paused, taking him in for a second. His perfectly styled hair and red-stained, full lips. His hopeful, blue eyes. The way his confidence slipped away from his face the longer Isak stayed quiet, like he was doubting himself. Even leaned back slightly, away from him. And no, they weren’t doing that. Isak grabbed his belt loop, pulling him back in. “You’re into me?” 

 

“I’d like to be.” And there, the confidence was back just as quickly as it had disappeared. 

 

“Oh my god, you’re so annoying.” Isak groaned, letting his head fall back. 

 

“Am I?” Even asked, leaning in to press slow, open mouthed kisses along his throat. “You’re not into annoying?” 

 

Isak sighed, his free hand moving into Even’s hair. “I’m into you.” 

 

Even grinned against his skin, the feeling sending a thrill through him. “Exclusively?” 

 

“Almost entirely.” Isak breathed, tugging at his hair and bringing their lips together hungrily. 

 

Even kissed him like they’d been doing it for years. He kissed him full, coaxing Isak’s mouth open with his lips and teasing him with tongue. He tasted like cherry, like sugar and red. Isak had a suspicion he’d taste that sweet even if he hadn’t just had a lollipop in his mouth. 

 

“Jesus.” Isak gasped, pulling his mouth away to breathe while Even just moved his kisses on his jaw, below his ear, down his throat. His hands slid under Isak’s sweater, then his shirt, and sent goosebumps over his skin. 

 

“Still your type?” Even asked when Isak tugged him back, so their mouths were hovering close together. 

 

Isak nodded, leaning into suck Even’s lower lip into his mouth, just to hear him groan. To feel him push their bodies close together, to feel how much Even actually wanted him. It wasn’t just Isak. It wasn’t just a joke. It was real. 

 

He flipped them around, pinning Even to the railing by his hips and littering kisses over his cheek, jaw, neck, before sucking a dark mark there. Isak pressed their clothed hard ons together, desperate for some sort of friction. Some sort of relief. He considered, briefly, getting them both off out in the open. It was tempting. 

 

“Isa— Oh.” 

 

Isak and Even pulled apart, wiping their mouths when the door swung open. Elias was standing there, glancing between the two with a shocked expression on his face. Isak understood; he felt the same way. 

 

“Oh. Wow. Uh.” Elias stuttered before focusing his gaze on Isak. “If you hurt him, I’ll kill you.” 

 

“Who are you threatening?” Eskild laughed, joining Elias’ side only to see the two of them. His eyes focused on Even, turning cold. “I’ll murder you, Bech Naesheim.” 

 

They ended up going back inside and Isak found that Even didn’t stop touching him. His arm, his lower back, his hip, his shoulders. He wore the mark Isak made on his neck proudly, and marked Isak with his touch. When he laughed at Magnus’ jokes, it was into Isak’s temple. When he danced, it was against Isak’s chest. When he told a story, he kept one arm around Isak’s shoulders the entire time. 

 

And Isak’s heart stopped burning when Mutta and Adam smiled, when Eskild and Elias danced, when Eva and Jonas held hands. It stopped burning entirely. 

**Author's Note:**

> I have a few more fics coming pretty soon. Hope you guys had fun with this one, although it's not at my best. I dunno. 
> 
> x zee


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